Hire Me.

Seriously Dude. Hire Me.

I am easy going, intelligent, fairly office saavy - just looking for a good job, with great co-workers and a decent wage.

I am so sick of selling myself. Don't you wish there was a magic button you could push to assess you - match you with the perfect job, and be DONE with it?

Temping was much more fun when I was 25 and had just moved to Baltimore - I was waiting tables and bartending on the side so I had an exciting social outlet - and I landed a dream job at Legg Mason.

Now the economy is in the toilet - jobs are EXTREMELY competitive, and not so stable once you get them and I spent 10 years in Arizona which (other than Phoenix or Tucson) is a wasteland for your resume and career ambitions. I am happy for the spiritual renaissance that my teacher guided me through - but I am really struggling to "catch my stride" back here in the whorehouse that is corporate America.

So I keep flailing around like Luke Skywalker in that swamp on Dagobah. Staring at this slimy green master that is my work life and going - I just don't feel the force right now.

"Stubborn you are - work you must. When you can sense the Job all around you. Then you will have career. Huuummmmmmmmm." (That was Yoda speak - just in case the reference is so old I lost any of you!? ; )

Anyhow - tough day of "more of the same" with a slice of "there HAS to be more opportunity than this.

I hope I don't give in to the dark side... and start waiting tables again.

Life Through a Temp's Ears

"Hello may I speak to... um, er, ahhhhh screw it - I can't pronounce your name"

That is right - I have had the pleasure of telemarketing for the first time in my life this week. I have some observations I would like to share. Can I take a moment of your time?

1)When you pause before you say "she's not here right now" - we know it is really you.

2)Screening calls with your 3 year old is not cute or original - and what kind of parent does that?

3)We get it... if we mispronounce your name - and you say "nobody by that name lives here" technically, you are not lying.

4)Cussing us out RARELY gets you removed from the calling list - usually gets your name circulated right back into the pool. We dial 23,000 people a day - you'll hear from us again! : )

5)Faking the answering machine beep - that is just sad!

6)Ok -you got me with that outbound answering machine that says "Hello... What?... What?... Just kidding, we are not home right now....". So clever, if you had only thought of it 20 years ago!

7) When you ask "where did you get my name?" I am so tempted to say - "off the screen in front of me. I recommend you go register at www.donotcall.gov like the rest of us!"

8) You are bitching at me for interrupting your meal? Honey, I am stuck in a cubicle calling grumpy people who don''t know how to turn off their ringer for an hour - cut me some slack!

9) I know you can tell I am reading a script - but could you interject a half interested "uh-huh" from time to time so I can tell at which point you actually hung up?

10) I screen my calls when I am home- that is why I cannot understand how I end up talking to so many of you - get some caller ID going on your end so I can disposition your call as "answering machine" and get back to my game of tetris like a normal temp... SHEESH!

All of the above is sarcasm of course - we are very professional callers where I work... but seriously, I am like the nicest telemarketer that has ever called people. I give up at your first insult, not like the people who keep trying to sell you something after you've made it CLEAR you are not interested - and I remove you from our call list if you are even remotely pleasant to me when you say "not interested, but thanks" - and I will actually laugh and joke with you if you have a sense of humor - not deflect back to my tired ass script like an monotone droid.

Just saying - give a guy (or gal) a break. Chances are THEY would rather be elsewhere - but this is the job they have at the moment. And you could show a little kindness! And occasionally listen to what we have to offer... (OK that is asking a BIT much.)

Thank you and you have a GREAT day! *click*

The Audacity of "God Forbid" - from a Buddhist Perspective

Hi all - welcome to another seemingly pointless ramble along the keyboard of my mind...

I read somewhere today the phrase "God Forbid" in reference to a political personality. And it really struck me to observe the path I have walked in this particular life.

I grew up Methodist. I went to Tuckston, a small church in Athens, Georgia, for pre-school and kindergarten. Not by parents who forced me to believe anything or were extremely religious or even that active - likely it was the best solution at the time and my mom had a friend named Mimi who was one of the teachers.

After my folks got divorced when I was in 2nd grade, I was pretty absent from church going. I think we did the occasional holiday service or might go when we would visit my dad (there was the famous Lubbock Texas Presbyterian communion fiasco in 1978).
But church would not really come back into play until middle school for me.

In 7th grade, it seemed to me a bit of a social outlet (new middle school, new neighborhood, new church since my mother and step father had just married.) So I played along and actually found out that I had some deep spiritual longing - mixed with a lot of pre-pubescent confusion.

I made the best friends of my life in our Youth Program - many I have recently caught up with through the miracles of modern Internet social sites. And for that I am grateful. But there was an underbelly - not to the people, but to the karma of the time.

I was 100% sure I was gay from the day I can first remember any sense of social identity. I will not say I had the social maturity or vocabulary to express it - but the consciousness was undeniable. Ask my parents if they were "surprised" later - I think they would say NO. Maybe shocked to hear the words or deal with the reality - but this child they had known from the womb was a pansy, a sissy, not a butch kid at ALL. And my attempts at hetero relationships developed terrific friendships with people I loved and brought a sense of social acceptance - but I am sure if one were to inquire with any of those girlfriends who were part of the experiment of my exploration of manhood - again you would find NO SURPRISES here.

So, back to church. And this is not a damnation of the religion, not a pigeon-hole effort to "label" one thing good and another thing bad... this is LIFE. Unfolding through my experience and viewed through my lens.

I befriended not only the youth of that organization - and felt unconditional love from them through all of their own struggles of those years. Sometimes, I felt MORE. Like the divine truth that there WAS a power that we went to this organization to experience. That whether I called it GRACE, GOD, or SPIRIT... these kindred people stumbling through their lives made me feel communion. STRONG presence of the love that Christ had taught.

Fast forward to college. The safety of the high school youth group disbanded, and we faced a whole new level of life experience. Suddenly, I had little support to my inner voice telling me - you are NOT being true to yourself, to your purpose, to the others around you. But there was a "belief system" that told me I could never outwardly represent who I inwardly knew myself to be. At that time an event ripened that proved this to me, from the church's point of view, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

A spiritual mentor of my middle school years, approached me on my 18th birthday (do you see a legal disclaimer in their mind...) and asked to go celebrate the occasion at a local pizza eatery called DaVinci's. Yay -- good pizza and an old friend! The evening rolled a bit like this. I was bought a pitcher of beer (hello, this is my 18th birthday - not legal drinking age yet) and propositioned. I was told this person suspected something about me from knowing me since I was 13 - and if I needed to find out - they were a safe haven. Underlying the whole conversation was: "despite this appearance of my ministry, my family - wife and daughter who you know and love - I got a little somethin, somethin over here for you to check out - if you can keep a secret... have another beer kid!"

Would you lose respect for them? Some people may not have given a ''Flip''. I was pissed. And I felt if I mentioned it to anyone - it would be My fault or I would be condemned as a liar, a sinner - or worse - a fag.

Was I scared? Yes. Was I ashamed? Absolutely. This person reinforced to me that the highest aspiration I had at the time, to possibly be a minister and particularly a minister of youth - was simply another facade. A predatory established position to preach one thing from pulpit or position of spiritual authority and to act in whatever reckless way one was drawn to.

I closed that chapter - for good. At 18 years old, this experience killed the Methodist church for me. For ME. The church and the institution I sort of hold harmless - except that he was dogmatically forcing himself to hold an appearance while practicing other beliefs (I mean you cannot act that way unless you believe a certain thing.)

The inner expectation of the people on a path is their relationship with the divine - and miracles can happen from that focal point. Luckily, because we had a phenomenal youth minister named Reverend Mike Selleck for my high school years - I still hold youth ministers in high esteem - I did not harbor harsh feelings for MYF or for my friends of those years - and I even pitied the man who had approached me - for how much worse is his internal torture? But I saw that gay consciousness was not allowed to be displayed in this place -it had to be subverted, and consequently puts others in harms way (think if I had been like "okay" - not cared about the wrongness of it - and ruined the man's ministry, marriage and fatherhood?) If you think my incident is isolated or unique - the rest of this world probably looks very different to you than me.

It happened with others. Not religious authorities - but people who thought it was okay to explore in secrecy the gay kid's limits - knowing he'd have to keep the secret to be accepted socially! I participate in pushing others inthe same way before I realized the dynamic.

But it became apparent, if I am to be gay, spiritual, and walk in service in my life... I needed acceptance. I found it. And now I see places of all faiths starting to embrace this truth of individuals who can love you unconditionally, no matter WHAT they are... gay, straight, blue, green or black.

This is too long a story to be told here... but when I heard "God forbid" today - it reminded me of that hypocrisy. That there is some nobility in endorsing yourself as aligned with God and others are lacking that alignment.

I no longer use the structure of that vocabulary spiritually, (not to say I never use that expression in passing) but I have not abandoned my respect for Jesus - the absolute social revolutionary that he was that walked into a broken religious and political facade of big institution and big business that church and government had become and tore it to shreds saying - this is not my Father's bidding. What you do, say, think and believe - you will be held accountable. Ironically - I don't think Jesus taught Christianity. After all, he WAS the Christ - he did not establish a cult of ego. I think he taught proper conduct. (Not Morality - there is a HUGE difference). I think he still teaches it today - under mantles that may not have the word "Christian" anywhere near them. Perhaps not even Christian anymore. But I digress...

Man may have rebuilt what Jesus came to challenge in the first place - and even done so in His name, but look at the "church" before he came, look at what he did, and look around today. See a pattern? Did they say "oh good - the son of God is here to help!" Nope. They set him up and crucified him to make him a martyr. It was the faith of those who knew what his life really stood for who started spreading the "Gospel" or Good News of his life work. Very few heard it directly from him - in the flesh.

So "God" does not forbid anything - in my opinion. Everything comes about because it is possible. To know, embrace, understand and still love your enemy, even through disagreement - that which you do not understand, that which confuses or abhors you should be a fundamental principle of any spiritual aspirant to explore and accept. If you are struck - I believe Jesus taught "turn the other cheek". Maybe it is we who mistakenly heard - if you are struck - turn around and bomb the shit out of them in My Name.

Ordained or not. You must embrace difference. If you have such dogma that it is better for one of your agents of mission to fore go wedding vows and prey on the trust of youth that grew up in their spiritual care - folks, that system may need some fixing. If the FOUNDER of your philosophy said "I am Love" - you should not be waging war in his name.

Thanks for listening. If their are voices that get loud this fall. Screaming things in the name of this deity or that purpose. If they call themselves this or that, liberal, conservative, republican or democrat, Left or Right - Sadducees or Pharisees - whatever they label themselves - look at their actions. Look at their heart. You can see it. What does their life represent in its entirety? Tolerance, growth and acceptance. Solutions to human problems and helping people where the rubber meets the road? Or is it US against THEM in HIS name. Taxes, wealth, money - it is important - and those who have it - well good luck. But lay up your treasures on earth - and well, you have earthly treasures.

Truth is deep and personal and "God Forbid" is a term none of us has the power to wield. Unless we are God. In which case... shouldn't You be doing something other than reading this blog right now? ; )

Okay - opinionated Buddhist shutting up now. : ) I love you all...

-Bowdawg

7 Years Gone By...

I just had a moment of recall. That fateful 4:00AM prayer shift that I covered quite regularly in Sedona - I was finishing up as the sun rose into the Arizona sky.

Always a beautiful drive home - the 3 miles down Highway 89A to Sedona Garden apartments...

When I walked into our condo - I noticed the flashing red indicator on our voicemail service. Odd? Not even 7:00 AM yet and there is a message flashing? Who could have called?

I usually would bypass the phone at this point and attempt a few additional hours of sleep... but curiosity drove me to check messages.

One of the temple nuns had broadcast a message to our community of practitioners - ''A plane just hit the world trade centers!''. Her voice was calm but urgent. ''Please make prayers for the passengers aboard the flight''.

A digital tone beeped and I sort of didn't know what to think of the news as the message ended and a machine operated voice asked if I wanted to save, delete or replay the message - with foggy uncertainty I hit the pound key to skip it so John might hear it later.

''MESSAGE 2'' my digital operator told me - I listened as the same nun reported via a second broadcast message that indeed 2 planes had now flown into the towers - and there were suspicions now of a terrorist attack! I was in shock. I ran upstairs to alert John and then I ran back down to the kitchen to see if a third message was cued up.

My mind indexed back a mere week when I was visiting my father and stepmother in New Jersey. We had driven into the city just days before this event. I even remember thinking my father a bit of a simpleton for pointing the Twin towers out to me on the drive. I had been visiting NYC since I was 9 years old. I had seen this sky line a million times.

And yet - now that particular piece of the visual was - damaged? (Hours later it would be GONE.)

About that time John rushed down to tell me more was happening. He had immediately turned on the radio after my alarming news - and he listened as a flight was tracked as it collided with the Pentagon.

It was a surreal morning. I drove back to the prayer center to alert Ted who had relieved me at 6:00 AM and apprise him of what was transpiring. There was confusion all morning as people tried to assess what had happened - what WOULD happen.

I stayed at temple most of the morning and then eventually made my way to work. It was the quietest day I ever remember at Robert Shields Design. Probably the only day it actually seemed like we worked for a mime...

John and I did not see a single ''live'' image of the events for over a year. We had seen photos - heard the radio accounts, even our friend K.T. was in the city the day it happened and gave a first hand account. But on the one year anniversary - when we stumbled upon a documentary of the days events - when we watched it... we wept. I had no idea how alarming seeing the various video images would be.

Seven years later to the day - my mind is there again. Praying for peace then. Praying for peace now.

No oil anywhere is worth the lives we have lost then - or since.

May we never forget those who died needlessly 7 years ago, 6 years ago, 5 years ago, 4 years ago, 3 years ago 2 years ago, 1 year ago and those who continue to fall - wars over property - wars over politics - wars over religion - wars over differences... and wars that MAKE no SENSE.

Please share your memory of that day here, if you wish. It is a poignant moment in our lives. One of those "where were you when" moments. And I encourage people to nurture the compassion that arises from the recall -- and channel that compassion towards all beings - those suffering through Ike, in the wake of Hanna, those who are starving in a world full of food. Those who are lonely on a planet that is actually EXTREMELY populated. Those struggling to get through one more week of depression, anger, foreclosure, illness, discrimination, cruelty, loss - whatever beings go through, may they find the true lasting antidote to their suffering. If I may be of service to even one other being today- it would be a noble use of my time. Kindness is the way.

(Reuters photo of September 11th, 2001)

When You Need Help

You have to ask. That has been a difficult lesson for me in this life. Often trying to "shoulder" the burden alone or handle something ourselves, we (or at least I ) thought there was nobility in that.

I am learning more and more that it actually is a bit of my EGO saying, I don't need help. I can figure this out myself. I am above being human and humble and experiencing humility. And so I find myself frequently humiliated. Not in a John Hughes movie sort of way. We aren't talking Stephen King, pig blood pouring on Carrie at the prom or anything. It is more subtle. The whisper of all that is true in the Universe, what I understand to be the Absolute Nature that underpins all phenomena, gently reminding you that you are far from alone. You require the others around you and their kindness, your welfare towards them is necessary as well. It is all part of the plan that will heal this mess we have concocted with believing SO STRONGLY in our self reliance for decades, lifetimes and aeons.

As it so often happens, my life is being paralleled in micro and macrocosm these days. And I am asking for your help. For me in a distant and remote way - for you in a subtle way in expressing your generosity - and for all beings that exist in forms that we know and forms we cannot imagine. I believe that when I moved to Sedona to help erect this monument of peace, we had a lot of work to do. I now understand that building it was only half the battle against habit, ego, and the darkness that I now only understand in a small way.

Please consider making a contribution of ANY size to this project. Small, medium, extraordinary-- whatever moves you. Not because some schmuck who blogs asked you to. Watch the video and remember that somewhere in you - miracles are begging to come forward. They are seeds that need only sunshine, nourishing soil and water to bloom. They cannot blossom on hard, uninviting dirt or rock. If that is where they lay, the seed never comes to fruition.

And just as a gorgeous flower, whose beauty is unmatched, may bloom quietly in a remote part of the world where no eye ever beholds how radiant it is... so also your small (or large) kindness can take place, quietly with this project. Ed McMahon may not show up on your doorstep with balloons and one of those huge checks (which I always wanted to see someone walk into a bank and cash) but some person who makes pilgrimage to this stupa - and prays - and experiences a miracle, that person will know that they are not alone in the universe. And they will know that when you ask sincerely for help - YOU ARE HEARD.

If you wish to partner with us - here is the donation link/please write Sedona Stupa in the comment field.

In that spirit, please consider helping secure this monument to prayers and peace in the world!

Sincerely,
Bowdawg

You Know that Feeling?

It is the first night in a new space and your life seems foreign to you? Well, tonight I am blogging from our New Home in Poolesville. It is late and I have boundless energy. Homemaker energy. Ideas for nooks and crannies - a plant should go here, a lamp will be great there... THAT kind of energy.

But the dogs are adjusting, and there is still stuff in storage - and endless flipping of light switches to figure out what controls WHAT around here!

John ran out and got ground beef so we enjoyed making cheeseburgers in our kitchen/laundry room. You know that process: I need a pan, WHICH box has pans - oh there they are. GREAT, so I heat up the pan and grab for a spatula... oooh where did I pack the spatula? Found it AWESOME. Now, plates?

You get the drift. You have probably each had your own version of this night along the many junctures of change in your path.

That's all for now. Just wanted to initiate my New Place with a silly blog post on New Places.

Much to do tomorrow. I have a Stupa to help save, a job to find, shower curtains to hang, a finance meeting to attend - and on and on in Samsara's crazy dance...

I'll talk at ya again soon!